No self-blame and self-pity: Infertility is not your fault – Infertility Clinic in India | Test Tube Baby Center | Infertility Treatment
No self-blame and self-pity_ Infertility is not your fault

No self-blame and self-pity: Infertility is not your fault

Many women get depressed when they are diagnosed with infertility. Self-blame and self-pity are the common feelings they have. They blame themselves for not being able to bear a child. At the same time, they also pity themselves for not being like other women how have had children without any problem.

The fact that they cannot reproduce like others hurts their self-esteem and they feel like punishing themselves. It attacks them like a shameful stigma. This depression also shows up in other parts of life. Their behaviour in personal life changes and it eventually affects their professional life as well. Coping with this emotional turmoil is not easy as it feels.

Your silent plea to the almighty with a shattered mind: –

Why this misfortune to me?

Where did I go wrong? Why this punishment to me?

Don’t I have the right be a mother?

These thoughts and emotions rile them up and only the loved ones can understand their distress. They literally curse themselves for being infertile.

If you think you are one of them you don’t need to take that much emotional stress. Understand that about one in every ten people has some sort of infertility problem. Therefore, obviously, you are not alone! In today’s world of evolving technologies, infertility can be overcome with timely treatment. Therefore, self-blaming and pitying on yourself will only hurt you. To get out of the depression you need to channelize the anger and disappointment in a different thought and behavioural pattern.

But is infertility really your fault?

Does one have control over infertility?

Here are a few ways that can help you come out of self-blame and self-pity because of infertility:

  • Check how common infertility really is. As mentioned earlier one out of ten people will be found infertile. This is the social proof that infertility is a common condition. You are not alone and a lot of men and women experience what you are experiencing. As what normally happens, you might be magnifying the problem and are easily disqualifying the chances of the positive results you might get from infertility treatment.
  • Watch if your thinking is self-defeating. Most of the times we get so angry and upset over a problem that we start behaving the opposite way to what we really want. You might say- “I’m so unfortunate being unable to have a baby, I don’ want anything now as I am destined to have a bad luck.” You need to quit this type of thinking and behaviour that sustains despair.
  • Think rationally and be kind to yourself. Thinking objectively about infertility is a must. We have seen many patients who are not depressed because of infertility and their only concern is getting treatment to have a child. They are almost as happy and optimistic as they would be otherwise. This means not everybody with infertility is unhappy. Thinking rationally, you will understand that being infertile does not upset you, but the way you think about your infertility upsets you. If infertility was the real reason for the emotional suffering everybody with infertility would become upset and depressed. Does it make sense? Think on it!
  • Talk to your partner, family and friends. If you are depressed being infertile you need to talk to your family, friends and mainly with your partner because they can create a positive atmosphere around you. Secluding yourself and keeping reserved in your own feelings only increases self-pity and self-blame. This affects your family and especially, your partner more. Being open to sharing your feelings will help lift your mood. This will help you gather confidence and develop an optimistic attitude towards getting expert treatment and having a child!
  • Be proactive. Discourage yourself from indulging in sad thoughts and feelings. Instead, engage in your daily activity without any interruption. When you engage your mind in daily life you will have no time to think about infertility. Not that you must forget it completely, but you can at least try to keep the negativity away and stay productive. 


  • Infertility is often depressing but you can overcome negative feelings by changing your views about it.
  • Changing the thoughts and beliefs that invite distress is a must.
  • Talking with family, friends and your partner can help you gather strength.
  • Getting expert treatment and being optimistic can lead to fruitful results.

In the Media:

For more details,

Dr.Narahari Malagaonkar

Fertility Consultant

 MD, DNB, FCPS, DFP ( Mumbai),

Fellowship in Reproductive Medicine (Singapore)

Contact@+919403932404,0253-2347721, E-Mail:

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